Seasons of Change

I sat quietly on the grass watching kids run around, shouting with whoops of laughter, enjoying every minute of their school lunch break.  Longingly I looked at two girls chasing each other, wishing I could join in.  It had been six months since we had moved and mum had said that I would make friends.  It just takes time she said while I sat there with tears running down my face. Couldn't they see my pain?  Didn't anyone like me? 

Recently my dear friend Jaimee moved down South and probably felt vulnerable like I did as a child on that playground.  Having 3 young kids and pregnant with uncertainty around even the day to day stuff like "What kindy to choose?", Jaimee's cousin Emily came to her rescue. Emily helped her feel welcome in a new place immediately by connecting her with people and helping her to find her place.  What a gift Emily must have been to Jaimee!  She saw Jaimees need and knew exactly what she needed to feel part of something.  

Fast forward a few months and Emily has now found herself in the same position as Jaimee. Suddenly she is the one who has to face the daunting task of starting a new life, knowing very few people.   Things like deciding on schools for children, doctors and even hairdressers can suddenly feel overwhelming.  Its in these times of change that having someone to connect with can make all of the difference.

Over the years I have found myself haunted by those same playground feelings of loneliness, isolation and rejection.  It's in these times that in my own humanness I push away the chance of relationships and find myself further isolated then before, with the risk of getting stuck in this place.  I am learning slowly that there are things that I lack that rob me of experiencing JOY in these new seasons of change.

Confidence - I consider myself a fairly confident person.  I am happy with my abilities and I am not afraid to try new things.  When it comes to relationships though, I immediately lose all confidence.  Upon meeting someone, my initial assumption is "They don't like me".  I only became aware that I even had this mindset a few years ago and it was one of those AHA moments. Slowly I am learning to see that I have value to offer those around me and I try to recognize those lies I tell myself. If I am not confident in who I am as a friend, then how on earth can I ever have meaningful relationships?  

Courage - With confidence comes courage.  So often I think to myself, "I should really call that person".  Instantly I become the Queen of excuses.  "Its Dinner Time, its a really bad time", "They may have people over, I would hate to interrupt that."  Deep down though, I am just chicken shit scared and that fear of rejection is at the core of my excuses.  Who cares if they are busy! That doesn't mean they don't like you!! How old am I?? 17?

Time - The number one thing that currently steals my ability to connect with others is TIME.  OR I should say the lack thereof.  I have never felt this to be more true especially as a working mum.  With the busyness of work, kids, house and sports my capacity to give to people is next to nothing (Did I forget to Mention my husband? YES, he fits in there too!)  Over the years a few of my closest friends have moved and the idea of investing time into new people seems exhausting.  It's not that I don't want to, I really do!  I just don't know how to fit it in or even where to start.

Sacrifice - With the battle of time, comes my battle to sacrifice.  To make time to invest in others sometimes requires me to make sacrifices.  Rather then sit on the couch after the kids are asleep, coma'd out, watching Nashville with a glass of  wine, I have to remind myself to sacrifice that time to get some Courage and reach out to others.  I'll admit that I am pretty useless at this.  Without sacrificing though, I will never find that time that I want to invest in those relationships that I desperately long for.

Perspective - My intuition often runs at a high. I am like  a radar that inspects everyone around me, looking for even the slightest of discomforts.  The problem with this has and always will be that my perspective on a situation can often be wrong. I make assumptions that someones discomfort obviously has to do with ME and  they must find me very annoying or uninteresting.  More often then not, their toddler has spilled a whole bottle of milk that morning and woke a dozen times in the night and they are just not having a good day.  My instinct has been to walk away from that person before they can reject me.  I am slowly coming to see that a bad  mood most often has nothing to do with ME and to give it time.

Understanding - Sometimes my intuition that someone is brushing me off or does not want to invest in a friendship with me is right but my understanding on the situation is completely wrong. Remember that little thing called TIME?  Sometimes understanding that a person does not have the capacity for me right now does not mean that I am not worthy of their friendship.  It just means that its just not the right time.  I can't tell you the amount of times I have felt rejected by this, but again I am learning it has nothing to do with ME. As woman we have so many demands placed on us.  A true friend understands those demands and removes their expectations.


I suspect that most woman at one time or another finds themselves in these new seasons of change, and struggle with intense feelings of loneliness.  Like Emily, to notice someone in that season and connect with them can be a little piece of joy for them.

As I look back in the times where I have been lonely I can see the blessings.  It was in one of these seasons that I got to know Joy.